MID-DAY CONFESSIONS OF A TIRED GIRL : Things I say in my head and only sometimes out loud

• I'm a burrito, but not a smothered burrito- smothered burritos cause heartburn
• If you're trying to cut me out of the herd I'm not your cow
• I feel like that was a harsh thing you said to me and I kind of never want to talk to you again
• I already put enough pressure on myself about that, I'd appreciate it if you didnt add to it
• Thank you for your unsolicited advice on a situation you know nothing about, I appreciate it...and when I say "thank you" I mean I feel like you're wasting my time and annoying me, and when I say "I appreciate it"....I laced that with a deadly dose of sarcasm 
• If you didnt hear/werent listening just say "what" instead...
• If we sent all the stupid people to stupid island...
• Unless you would like my honest opinion please say "that was a rhetorical question" and end the conversation
• If you want to live Tiggers life, stop acting like Eeyore- or at least take a page out of Rabbit and Piglets book, no one has to invite them to the party they just come.
• Being mean to the person at the fast food place wont make your food come out any quicker, your sandwhich any cheaper, or your life any less fulfilled. The best way to keep your blood pressure down is to realize that your server is 19 and probably putting herself through college. Times are tough people, and I've never regretted being nice to a complete stranger
• No one is perfect, and I'm no exception... can we just be excited about progress and stop having unrealistic expectations or choosing verbage that is more than what we mean? 
• Yes I realize that you dont approve of me giving money to the hobo's, but it will bug me for a week if I dont

Ok I think confession time is over, and I feel much better... thanks!